When I saw this book up for grabs to review, there was no way not to accept the opportunity. I swear God put it there himself *smiles* All kidding aside, I needed to read this book. Half way through reading it, I already realized it was changing me. At first I was defensive. There are ugly truths in this book that you are not going to want to admit. I was irritated that the authors, Milan and Kay, seemed to be pointing at the parents for everything. Even in situations where the child is acting completely out of line, they say it's your reaction and you need to ask the child how you can help. It's a little bit hard to swallow when your stepson has just screamed in your face and took his anger out on his 5 year old brother that you are supposed to ask him how you can help. But after a while, I understood what these authors/parents were trying to get at.... it's not "caving in" feeling like you are getting walked on to simply change your reaction to their behavior.
Stupid example but my husband showed me the best way to handle drivers that get right on my bumper. I have astigmatism and it is extremely hard to see at night, especially when it's raining and there is oncoming traffic.. I used to just stress right out and have mini heart attacks until I could let them pass or they changed direction. Now, I just slow way down to about 5-10 miles an hour. Either they get the hint and pass or be extremely irritated and back off some. Either way is fine with me. Most times they just back off. No one gets jarred by a "brake test" and I'm not as hostile afterward. Like this scenario, when one of my sons start to get disrespectful.. I respond with .. "I understand that you may feel frustrated because that happened, but when you do this you make me feel this way and it's wrong to do" or I simply say.. "unfortunately until you get older you will have a hard time understanding but just know that I have your best interest in mind". These are just some examples. It has been an amazing change in my house. We don't draw a "comfort circle" per se because my family of all boys would not go for that and the "soul words" but I have subtly slipped it in without them even realizing it. It's working wonders along with all the other helpful resources found in the book, like the parent toolbox at the end.
This book was born from a previous book the couple wrote on love styles for the marriage. People that heard the seminars or read the book used it at home and realized how well it worked with parenting as well and viola! the How We Love Our Kids was born. If I was to throw my opinion out at someone thinking about reading this book... I would say: "Definitely read it but stick it out. The irritation or embarrassment you may feel in the beginning, doesn't compare to the peaceful determination you get in return for sticking it out. You won't have to wait long to see the results. They are instant. I highly recommend this book to any parent or person in the childcare field! It has a "tough love" love style for you.
Take the love style quiz to see what love style you are. You can print out the results and see what you need to work on or find tips that will help things at home with your significant other or kids.
To buy this book, simply click below.
About the authors:
Married in 1972, Milan and Kay have four children. When they aren’t writing and speaking they enjoy their five grandchildren. Milan and Kay most enjoy speaking together and have coauthored two books, How We Love (2006), and How We Love Our Kids (2011).
I received this product from the Blogging For Books program for the purpose of review. The opinions in this post are 100% my own and may differ from yours.
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